Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Blogging Heals (Update)

So (I hate starting sentences with "so"), I went to court today. Todd was waiting for me. We went into the office that the notice I received told me to go to. I showed the woman at the desk said notice, and was met with this:

"You're a week early."

Funny, right? I looked at the noticed and realized that the appointment is, indeed, next Tuesday. I think she sensed that I was in discomfort because she said, "But... we really like to reward prompt people. Let me see if we can fit you in."

Two minutes later, another woman came out into the waiting room with some papers and said we could take care of it right now. She said the purpose of this particular appointment was just to start the process and our court date probably won't be until March.

As she started handing me papers to sign, Todd asked her if there was anything he needed to sign. She explained that today, only I needed to sign anything. The custodial parent is the only one needed to initiate the action. (HA! I told 'ya so!) Don't worry, I didn't say it out loud.

The whole process took aprox. 5 minutes, after which we tensely walked downstairs. He made some comment about the way I was acting, so I pulled him into a quiet corner and, attempting to keep a hushed tone, let loose.

I told him that when someone tells you that they need for everything to be final for the sake of their sanity, it kind of hurts. I told him that it's extremely frustrating to try so hard to be open and honest in an attempt to maintain a friendship only to have him basically tell me that he doesn't trust me.

He said he had a right to come along to the court visit as he didn't understand what was going on. I agreed with this and reminded him that if I didn't agree, I wouldn't have invited him in the first place. Given this, he didn't understand why I got so angry on the phone yesterday. I repeated his words back to him (these ones "I guess I'm just going to have to show up tomorrow if you're not going to tell me what's going on) and reminded him that I had already told him what was going on.

When I questioned him on whether or not he was getting fed bullshit complaints about other people's experiences with their bitch ex-wives, he acknowledged that this was indeed the case. I said that I get that, and men do typically get screwed, but that he had to give me credit for going out of my way to try and make this work as painlessly as possible. I tried to get him to understand that I'm not like other ex-wives and it's hard for me to see that he's questioning that.

I also admitted that, as a female, I'm more sensitive to the things that he says than he may think and he has to be careful about how he words things if we are going to be able to maintain a friendship.

He didn't really acknowledge any of my points, or apologize (not that I felt like he should, but it would have been nice) but at least I got it out.

Then we got to the root of his problem. He told me that I keep acting like we're friends but I never call him just to see how he's doing. I thought about it and said that I call him at least once a week for no good reason or sometimes for a good reason and we end up bullshitting about nothing, just like friends do, for several minutes. He agreed with this, but...

(His eyes began to tear, it was good because it was the first time he didn't come accross as a prick) and he told me that he just misses his kids. It's still hard for him to adjust to me having them 80% of the time. He says he feels like he can't even call to see how they are. (As my own editorial, I'd like to add that not once since he moved out the very end of August has he called to talk to the kids or see how they're doing.) But I was soft and told him that he can call anytime he wants and that I wish he would call more and that it would make Jenna's day to get a call from him for no reason at all. I also told him that if he needs to see them in addition to his scheduled days, he can see him whenever he wants- as long as I don't have anything planned specifically. At this point, he needed to leave. He doesn't like to cry in front of me.

Hopefully, this helps. But for some reason, I still don't think he trusts me. Something got lost. But, I won't give up, I promise. It's not about me, it's about the babies

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