Sunday, March 25, 2007

I'm a Proud Momma Tonight

Last summer, I became convinced upon rereading To Kill a Mockingbird for a book group that it would be a good book to read with my daughter. As far as racism goes, I don't believe that any fiction (that I've read) achieves its purpose as superbly and eloquently as TKAM.

After rereading it for the first time since high school, I decided that high school was perhaps too late to try to have an effect on an adolescent's opinion toward others based on race. I decided to read it with my daughter now.

We didn't start until about two months ago and only read a few pages a night and only on nights that I'm not at school and the kids aren't with their dad. I told her that she could only read it with me because I wanted to be able to explain things (the "n" word, the rape, slavery, etc.) if she had questions. I had decided that my purpose was to tackle the race issues and not so much the rape and I only plan to give her an age appropriate explanation when we get to that part and only if she asks. I'm hoping that Atticus' explanation to Scout suits Jenna as well.

So, we're about a third of the way through right now. At the beginning, I thought maybe we should abandon it because the diction is perhaps too challenging and she seemed bored at times. But, lately, she's becoming very interested and complains heartily when it's time to put it away for the night.

Tonight, she told me that she sometimes wants "so bad" to pick it up and read it herself but she knows that it's something I want to read with her.

I was so damned proud. Of myself for trusting my instinct that this would be a good book for her. Of her for being so much more than me but still having this one, specific quality that is so undeniably me and knowing that we connect beyond the obvious.

I know, I know, it seems little. To me, though, this is what it's all about.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Truth By Subpoena!

This is something I wanted to touch on this morning but I've been very pressed for time all day. Now I'm tired and probably won't be able to express my point (if I even have one) effectively, but I feel the need to get it out.

I was listening to Drew and Mike this morning when I took Jenna to school. They were discussing this whole U.S. attorney situation and how yesterday it was announced that President Bush would allow key members of his staff to be interviewed by Congress.

Today on J's blog, he made a comment to me that he felt that Congress was moving in the right direction. This is evidenced in many ways and, in this case, by their insistence that allowing simple interviews is not enough, they want to actually subpoena these key members of the administration to testify before the judicial commitee.

Drew and Mike were making the point that what they really want is to get at Karl Rove. But what would it matter? Do they expect him to tell the truth?

At the time, what they were saying made me laugh as almost everything on the program does. Upon reflection, I got a bit irritated.

After all, it's true. Testifying under oath does not put the fear of God into anyone anymore. I'm not saying it should, I don't even believe in God. The point is, how can an oath assure us of anything (especially with all of the shit that's happened over the past few years)? All it really does is remind the person testifying that if they lie, and they get caught, they face charges.

It's the whole tree falling in the forest, no one's around, does it make a sound thing.

If Karl Rove (or anyone else) were to testify, what version of the truth would we really get? The only thing we're sure to get is that which evidence exists to corroborate. Effectively, if he tells a lie, but no one of consequence can or will refute it, is it a lie?

I'm certainly feeling cynical about this issue today. I'm glad that something is being done and that it's becoming clear that accountability can't be dodged. I'm just frustrated that things like this keep surfacing. What on Earth is going on?

As far as the actual issue at hand, the firing of the U.S. attorneys, any idiot on the street could have handled it better and differently and the whole thing would've never seen the light of day. There's nothing illegal about the actual action. But because of the way it was done, we now get to watch the whole thing get aired and be further sickened by the bullshit that goes on.

And we have to wonder if we'll even get the truth. Although the chances of that are probably better than I think given that these idiots continue to send "classified" emails actually expecting that no one will ever find out. Christ

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Do You Think She's Pretty? *GASP, SLAP* You Bastard!

Since my first "boyfriend" in the sixth grade, It has never been a part of my composition to get jealous. If another woman is prettier than I am, I don't feel threatened by it, even if my significant other is foaming at the mouth. In fact, if she's hot, I'll probably join in the ogling.

Jealousy has never made sense to me. I know that when you're in love, lust, or like, you tend to focus on that one person as the center of everything. But, in my experience, no matter how happy I am with someone, I'm not dead to the fact that there are people of the opposite sex that continue to be attractive despite the existence of a significant other.

Last night, on St. Patty's day, I was in the restroom and there were two young, cellulite free girls in there discussing how one had been slighted because her boyfriend was staring at some other girl.

I've seen this before a lot, we all have.

I don't really get it. If person a's eyes follow person c's ass as she walks by, does this have to mean that person a wants to cheat with person c or that person a no longer sees person b as attractive? Does person b not know that if person a said that he didn't notice the rest of the alphabet soup because no one is more perfect than person b that he'd be lying?

This isn't limited to girls. My first love was like this and I put up with it. I even trained myself to behave as he'd want me to. But I allowed him to check out/ discuss other girls with me because it didn't bother me. He said that it was different. I still contend that it was not. My ex-husband and I checked out the opposite sex with each other. It had nothing to do with our problems.

So, what is it that makes people behave so strangely on this matter? Why do they not see the same logic that I see?

People would be so much happier if they let go of jealousy over that which they can't control, like the fact that no matter how hot you are, someone else is hotter... and that's okay.

Do You Think She's Pretty? *GASP, SLAP* You Bastard!

Since my first "boyfriend" in the sixth grade, It has never been a part of my composition to get jealous. If another woman is prettier than I am, I don't feel threatened by it, even if my significant other is foaming at the mouth. In fact, if she's hot, I'll probably join in the ogling.

Jealousy has never made sense to me. I know that when you're in love, lust, or like, you tend to focus on that one person as the center of everything. But, in my experience, no matter how happy I am with someone, I'm not dead to the fact that there are people of the opposite sex that continue to be attractive despite the existence of a significant other.

Last night, on St. Patty's day, I was in the restroom and there were two young, cellulite free girls in there discussing how one had been slighted because her boyfriend was staring at some other girl.

I've seen this before a lot, we all have.

I don't really get it. If person a's eyes follow person c's ass as she walks by, does this have to mean that person a wants to cheat with person c or that person a no longer sees person b as attractive? Does person b not know that if person a said that he didn't notice the rest of the alphabet soup because no one is more perfect than person b that he'd be lying?

This isn't limited to girls. My first love was like this and I put up with it. I even trained myself to behave as he'd want me to. But I allowed him to check out/ discuss other girls with me because it didn't bother me. He said that it was different. I still contend that it was not. My ex-husband and I checked out the opposite sex with each other. It had nothing to do with our problems.

So, what is it that makes people behave so strangely on this matter? Why do they not see the same logic that I see?

People would be so much happier if they let go of jealousy over that which they can't control, like the fact that no matter how hot you are, someone else is hotter... and that's okay.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Mating Habits of Seven Highly Effective Animals

Beavers
..
Why should you care about beavers? Because beavers build dams! Does this mean they steal jobs from hardworking American citizens and illegal immigrants? You bet your ass! But, you could all learn a lesson in work ethic from beavers, so take notice.

Beavers only mate 1-2 times per year. Their babies are born a few months after the mating, in the spring. The little ones start assuming their dam responsibility before they turn 2! Lesson? If we, as a society, weren't so preoccupied with sex, we might become better workers and see that it's okay to send our babies to work, just like in Sri Lanka!
Cheap labor=more jobs. More jobs= less time for sex. Less time for sex= better dams!

Crabs
..
Why should you care about crabs? Aside from the obvious STD joke I could insert here? Because crabs taste good!

Crabs have very interesting sex lives. Let me throw a couple of cliches out there for you all to munch on. Boy crabs have 4 times as much sex as girl crabs. After 5 1/2 hours of marathon sex, boy crabs ejaculate all over the girl crab's belly. Only instead of preventing pregnancy (as this action may do in humans- some of the time), it assures pregnancy because girl crabs carry hundreds of thousands of eggs in their "abdominal flap." From the time the girl crab secretes her girl hormones to attract the boy crab until the post-coital cuddling is over, the boy and girl crabs are attached to one another for up to 3 days! How's that for excessive?
Girl secretions= marathon sex. Marathon sex=very fertilized belly. Very fertilized belly=sure supply of crab legs!

Octopuses (or is it octopusi?)
..
Why should you care about octopuses? Because they're super smart! Who do you think invented suction cups?!? We should all aspire to be as intelligent as an octopus. We should, however, not listen to that voice that tells us to eat our own arms.

Talk about women sucking the life out of men! The male octopus actually has an arm (hee, hee!) specifically for inserting his seed into the female octopus' "cavity." His arm actually comes off for this and then, a few months later, he dies. The female takes her thousands upon thousands of fertilized eggs and strings 'em up and decorates her house with them. Intuitive! And she has an extreme diet plan: during the month her egg-lights are developing, she doesn't eat. Then, when the eggs hatch, she dies. Boy, for such "intelligent" animals, I think octopuses have a thing or two to learn about survival. Is sex worth dying for?
Detachable sperm injector=lotsa fertilized eggs. Lotsa fertilized eggs=mom who specializes in home decorating. Mom who specializes in home decorating=orphans.

Sheep
..
Why should you care about sheep? Because sheep make wool! Well, not all by themselves, they do need people (jobs *wink,wink*) to shave them first. The important thing is that they don't have to die to keep us warm.

I felt a little guilty reading up on sheep. Sheep are freaks! While the female only has sex about once per year, the male blows anywhere between 50 and 100 times per year. "Wait, that doesn't add up," says you. I know! It's because male sheep are homosexuals! I couldn't make that up. They have to be trained to mate properly. What's worse is that they're racist homosexuals! If they're in a group of mixed breeds, they stick to their own. It's crazy! You really should read up on sheep yourselves because I might get a little sick relaying the rest. Let's leave it at this:
Man scent=horny ewe. Horny ewe=pregnant ewe. Pregnant ewe=more wool!

Sperm whales
..
Why should you care about sperm whales? Because they're huge and they could kill you! You best watch your step. Also, the "sperm" (it's not really sperm, it just looks like it) of the male sperm whale is used in over a hundred products, many of which you use.

If you're a lady, you'd love being a sperm whale. The men clamor for your favor. At times, the men will resort to violence to be the one givin' it. Other times, they'll try to store up their seed, hoping you'll select them because they have a better chance at knocking you up. Also, girl whales aren't shallow for choosing the biggest suitor. The bigger, the better. It's all part of the process.
Ovulating female=line-up of boys at the door. Line-up of boys at the door=better chance of sperm whale survival. Better chance of sperm whale survival=lots of shampoo.

Tuna
..
Why should you care about tuna? Because they make for inexpensive food that practically never goes bad!

I didn't find much on the reproduction of the tuna, which made me think I aught to buck it in favor of rabbits but then I saw a sign (and it opened up my eyes). The little I did find on reproduction in tuna was on the Southern Bluefin Tuna, which in biology tuna geek circles is commonly referred to as SBT. SBT!!! Get it? Of course, you do. The thing about tuna, besides the odor, is that there is actually no contact between the male and the female. This is great for the gals if they're femi-nazis or lesbians. It's great for males if that smell is a turn-off and, let's face it, it is. The good thing is that the gal tuna releases up to 6 million eggs each day she's in her "cycle." So,
No sex=no expectations. No expectations=men and women coexisting peacefully. Men and women coexisting peacefully=lots of sandwiches.

Woodpeckers
..
Why should you care about woodpeckers? Because they're annoying and they need to be stopped!

Okay, let's face it, woodpeckers are birds with funny names. Not that other birds don't have funny names. But, we all know that birds don't have sex. We know about eggs and nests already. What I thought you should know is that woodpeckers are more likely to thrive in areas of dead wood where their incessant beak tapping can create cavities in the wood more easily. Thus, if we all commit to starting a small fire in these areas, we will not only encourage regrowth, but we will see a rapid decline in woodpecker population.
Woodpeckers don't have sex=female with a lot of responsibility. Female with a lot of responsibility=stress for everyone. Stress for everyone=woodpeckers venting their frustration on that tree right outside your bedroom window.

Alright, I'm done. With your tiny morsels of new knowledge, what kind of animal are you?

Monday, March 12, 2007

When Good Spelling Goes Bad

I've always prided myself on my natural ability to excel at all things spelling and grammar related. I'm crazy about the English language. It's true. Nothing makes me happier than words and good syntax.

I wouldn't want to say I'm a snob about it. Eh... let's face it, I kind of am. In the past, something as minor as a man (boy?) saying something like "Do you got any______" has been enough to make them permanently unattractive. When asked to peer review a classmate's paper, I'm always happy to help them find their mechanical errors, but even happier to see how much better mine is than theirs.

I know, I'm horrible. Honest, but horrible.

Lately, I've not been doing well with my spelling. This is extremely embarrassing to me. I have two friends who point out my errors (as true friends should!) although, I have to admit that one of them actually experiences better quality of life when she finds my mistakes.


I don't blame her. I'm a snob, I'm always happy to point out her fuck ups.

The other one is *grimaces* superior to me in all things writing, although he does add the occasional superfluous "u" to his words and the letter "s" where the letter "z" should be. He also says "eh?" in normal conversation. But I don't think he gloats over my recent lapses in spelling. And if he does, he best not admit it here.

These mistakes are not minor. They aren't caused by me typing too fast and not proofreading. I truly think I'm spelling everything correctly... until it's pointed out that I wrote "you're" instead of "your" or "illicit" instead of "elicit."

Don't laugh at me or tell me to lighten up, either. This is serious!

I'm losing the only natural gift I have! Why? That's not rhetorical. Why is my spelling going away? The crazy amount of credit hours I take every 10 weeks is proof that my brain gets plenty of exercise.

If you love me, you'll tell me when I spell something wrong.

Sunday, March 4, 2007

I'm Due For a Good Cry and Other Reasons to Avoid Getting My Homework Done

I'm currently working on my final paper for my Tuesday night class, a biographical interpretation of Samuel Beckett's "Waiting for Godot." By "currently," I mean "when I'm not putting it off in favor of blogging." FYI: I'm pretty sure it's impossible to interpret anything by Beckett. But it's either that or "The Satanic Verses" which I never even finished reading.

This particular paper is causing me some stress as I have yet to receive an "A" on a paper in this particular class, an anomaly of sorts in my 12 year career as a professional student. I probably could have received an "A" by now had I paid better attention to my instructor's critiques and not procrastinated to the extent that I have. Unfortunately, procrastination has served me well previously. I do my best work under pressure. Just not for this class.

It's the last 2 weeks of class and this paper is just one of 5 projects due this week, none of which have been but barely touched thus far. I'm feeling some pressure.

I will pay you to put together my thematic unit on "The Odyssey" and the accompanying lesson plans. I'm not kidding.

The closer I get to this quarter being over, the closer I get to the next quarter starting. If I want to graduate in '08 as planned, I have to take a very large load the next 10 weeks. 27 credit hours, 6 classes, 2 of which require a combined 50 hours of observation.

The classes: The Exceptional Learner, Theories of English Instruction, Emerging Nations, Structures of English, Critical Writing/ Literary Analysis, and The American Novel (I've already read all of the novels for this class- hooray).

It will, without a doubt, be the most work I've ever done. My brain is fried already and I'll only have 2 weeks to recuperate before it all begins.

During that 2 weeks, I plan to attempt to complete as much of the obs hours as possible. This is a new set of problems. I've "shrunk" out of my dress clothes due to the loss of weight. Normally a good thing for a female, but not when your budget doesn't allow for the purchase of new clothing to be worn in the classroom. I'm going to have to borrow clothes and I hate that. Not as much as I hate shopping. Blessing in disguise?

Also during the two weeks, I'm hoping to get 2 books read that aren't required for school. Just to relax. I may socialize. This has yet to be decided.

Probably, I'll just try to schedule a good cry. To prepare. To cause myself to eliminate some stress. Perhaps it will stop my hair from breaking and my skin from flaking.

In the meantime, several very deep breaths will be taken.

On a positive note, it was clear to me from the very beginning of the Risk game last night that I would win, solely on the fact that I was lucky to be dealt a card with one of the countries in Australia on it. And win I did.