Sunday, June 3, 2007

I'm Back!

The past week has been ___________ (insert adjective of choice here). It has been many things, but mainly it has been distracting. And I've been feeling a bit claustrophobic.

This is accurate of the last several weeks, frankly.

I'm not sure how to define it. The simple things that matter most to me (reading with Jenna, cuddling Alex, reading for pleasure, enjoying my time at school, watching the news) have lost priority.

School has been stressful. Taking 20+ credit hours each quarter is taking a toll on me. I don't take summers off like other college students. I just want to be done. My brain is so tired.

My personal life has been rather engrossing as well. Possessing a rather large crush has caused me to experience things I haven't experienced in years and it's been ___________ (insert adjective of choice here, they all apply). But it's been distracting. And claustrophobic.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany sitting at Barnes and Noble. Said epiphany was brought on by an email and phone call by above-mentioned crush.

The last time I had an epiphany at the Barnes and Noble cafe, I abandoned my studies in accounting 2 semesters shy of my bachelor's and decided to become a high school English teacher.

That I equate last night's epiphany to the other speaks volumes, people.

Suddenly, I was able to prioritize like I haven't in weeks, maybe months. I got so much work done, it felt ________________ (only adjectives with positive connotations).

I realized that I've been so caught up in thoughts like "I don't want to do this anymore!" or "I can't focus because I have so much to do so I'm not going to do any of it" or "What are we going to talk about when he calls tonight *giggle, giggle*-*sob,sob*" that I actually disappeared.

But I came back. That's really the important thing.

I wear many hats and I can't do it all. Still, I can do more than many. My favorite line from a favorite TTH song: "Armed with will and determination- and grace, too." That's me. Jen and I are going to have that put on T-shirts.

Thursday evening, I turned in an embarassing, incomplete biographical criticism of Sophocles' Oedipus the King to the best English/literature teacher I've ever had. I turned it in the week after he handed me back a paper giving me the best praise I've ever received in my life. I was so disappointed in myself for not completing my Sophocles paper. I let myself down. Last night I completed it, even though he doesn't take late papers, and I was beaming.

Then, I purchased an inexpensive copy of Oedipus the King and, since it was still a bit light outside when I left B&N, I took it down to the river and re-read it. For pleasure.

I can't tell you how _______________ (adjective, positive connotation) I felt.

Melissa. Saturday night. Beautiful deep, blue water. Legs stretched out on dashboard. Families out in droves- rollerblading, kite-flying, boating. All that noise. Peace. Feeding my brain.

I found myself again. I'm a geek. Reading a book on a Saturday evening. It's who I am and I'm so very proud of it.

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