Wednesday, April 18, 2007

A "B"

I have been in a good mood with absolutely no bad mood lapses for weeks. No drugs either. I've been completely exhausted at times, but really, super duper happy. Right track, all of that good stuff.

And then Jenna brought home her report card. Her first "B."

Logically, it's not a big deal.

But I snapped. Not verbally, thankfully. I didn't tell her I was disappointed or anything like that. I told her that we'd talk about her reading tests later. I told her that it wasn't a bad report card (I should've said it was a great report card), but we'd need to discuss her reading tests.

I did not specify when later would be. Later will be when I gain perspective and know I won't say something stupid.

With my mood having been so great for such a long period of time, I started forgetting that there's a chance it wouldn't last.

Why would something like my 3rd grader bringing home a "B" take it all away? Was my mood destined to shift at that time, at 7 p.m. after her soccer practice, and this just happened to be the thing that happened right before? Had she received all "A's" like usual, would my son having splashed water all over the bathroom floor have been the straw that broke the camel's back?

It's so strange how that works for me (against me).

I've accomplished an ungodly amount of homework/studying today. I've been at the computer much of the day, so naturally I was easily distracted, but I got a lot done. I was feeling really good about it. Alex hasn't been feeling well and spent much of the day lying on the couch covered up, watching movies, allowing me to accomplish all that needed to be accomplished.

And then, the "B." Good mood gone. Accomplishments diminished. Strange.

Now I have to figure out how to discuss it so it won't detract from all of her "A's" but also so she knows that she can do better.

The thing is, it was her reading grade. She almost always gets "C's" on her reading tests. They're 20 question, multiple choice, open book tests. When something is open book and you're the best reader in class, you shouldn't be getting "C's" on the tests. I go over it with her every week and she's very nonchalant about it.

I don't want to be critical but I want her to work harder on these tests.

If she strives for all "A's" as she continues through school and occasionally slips and gets a "B," I don't want her to feel bad about it.

Because my bad mood has returned, I'm very disappointed. Which makes me feel worse. How can a mother feel this way? While I won't say anything to make her feel bad, I'm thinking it. I'm thinking that "B's" are not okay. Yet, they certainly dominate my report cards.

How do I get my good mood back so I don't make any mistakes in discussing this with my daughter? Why is this such a big deal to me?

No comments: