Tuesday, November 28, 2006

On Being a Sissy Girl

The holidays are here, bringing with them nagging reminders of what a girl I am. But, it's worse than that, really, because I'm even worse than the average girl. In fact, I do believe that I just may give the average girl a bad name. I'm a big sissy... and I'm not proud of it.

A few weeks ago, I told one of my uncles I was going to host a tree-trimming party and make everyone dinner. But, I told him that I don't really need help trimming my tree, I just wanted him to hang my Christmas lights for me and feeding him would make me feel less... I'm not sure... less wimpy, I suppose... about it. He said, "no problem, just give me a staple gun and I'll have them up in no time."

I have a very supportive family. My uncles especially will have something done for me before I even finish commenting about what I need to be done. It's always been this way, even when Todd was here. Because of this, I began to alter my plans to go fetch a Christmas tree.

Todd and I always have cut our tree, we both have always loved the real thing and detested the thought of a fake tree in our home. I like oversized, fat, ugly trees (enough, people), he likes narrow, perfect trees. We solved our dilemna by alternating who got to pick out the tree each year. This was (and now definitely is and always will be) my year to pick out the tree. I have been excited about this since February when we moved into this house. For the first time in my life, I have tall ceilings and a large space where the tree will be. The oversized, fat, ugly tree.

Then I realized that I didn't have anyone to cut down the tree. *GASP*

Todd agreed to go with me and cut the tree and put it up for me- 2 weekends from now. There are 2 problems with that. 1) I'm not sold yet on whether or not it is healthy for our children to continue these traditions "as a family," and 2) I want my damned tree NOW!

My first thought was, "No problem, I'll just call my uncle. He'll be happy to cut the tree." Then, my uncle asked me to babysit my cousin (she's 6) for the weekend as he has a job out-of-state. Fuck.

(By the way, I'm in one of my swearing-like-a-sailor moods currently.)

I thought, "No problem, I'll call one of my other uncles." Then I decided to ask my brother instead because I rarely ask him to help me with things like that. In asking my brother, I really asked Treasure, because she's the one who can make him do stuff. She said he would.

I told my aunt all of this today and, her boys being in their early 20's and not caring much about Christmas anymore, she kind of missing it all, she told me she would come with me to cut the tree. "Between the 2 of us, we should be able to cut down a tree, right?"

WHAT ON EARTH IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? Me, cut down my own tree? I reminded her, while providing a simultaneous visual, that I have absolutely no muscle tone in my arms. I'm a girl. A really weak girl.

I would like to go into how, while there are certain rights for women that I am fully on board with, I am very much a femi-nazi-nazi. This means that there are certain things I want a man to do for me. I don't exactly want to be some submissive wife, but I do like the man of the house to be the leader. Todd let me walk all over him. But, he still cut down the tree.

Now, I am going to try to turn over a new leaf. Here comes the sailor. If Christmas lights show up on my house, it's going to be because I got my ass out on the roof and put the effers up myself. I'm going to take my aunt up on her offer. I will saw no less than 25% of the trunk of that tree, allowing her to saw the remaining 75%. My arms will burn like a mother Sunday. Will it be good? Maybe. Until I'm in a relationship again and have a man to do it for me.

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