I went dress shopping today; or, when did the hippies take over?

I'll make this quick.
 
Many of you are aware that shopping is the worst for me.  I don't like to do it.  Ever.
 
My bff is coming home this weekend because she has one of these:
 

 
...so her sister is throwing her one of those horrible events to celebrate the birth of her legitimate unborn child.
 

 
*shudders*
 
It's a small party and, while we ladyfolk typically dress up for these events, I'm sure I could get away with a skirt I already have in my closet.  But, as I don't actually own a single non-formal dress, I thought it might be fun to buy a dress.
 
Fun.  Shopping.  Never.
 
I went anyway.  The Asian found these on a mannequin at Kohl's:
 

 
We don't have many shopping options here.  We started at Kohl's, then Target, then Macy's, Younkers, and Maurices.  We noticed a pattern.  And we were horrified.
 
Shapeless peasant skirts.
Tie dye.
Intentional wrinkles.
Dresses sure to cover any body in head-to-toe frumpydom.
 
Pass me the bowl, the hippie is back and she's made quilts out of all of the feminine clothing.
 
I decided it was just my age.  I'm a tween myself, you know.  Not young enough to shop junior's but too hip to shop women's. 
 
Don't want to look old, but don't want my daughter to think I hired a hooker or a pothead to take her to Aunt Lori's baby shower.
 
Peasant skirts be damned, I found a normal spring dress in a last ditch effort to not fail at JCPenney.  Who would have thought that JCPenney could ever save the day?
 
There was entertainment, as well.  I had to invite Sarajane into the fitting room with me while I tried on dresses so she could hear the sex happening two rooms over.  We were disappointed, though.  It was just a senior citizen who was really out of shape and trying on clothes turned her into a heavy breather.
 
On a serious note, as the retailers keep missing the mark, the local mall has more and more empty space.