Loyalty

I'm disabling comments on this one because I just need to rant. I've said it before and I'll say it again: It's my blog, I can rant if I want to.

I just came home from camping with my family on Thursday. Since Thursday, it seems that I have been fighting fire after fire with my family and friends in what can be described as no more than high-school drama.

I've mentioned before that I avoid conflict at all cost to a fault. The past two days have found me personally insulted and wronged by people who love me. Most painful, I think, involves the strong sense of loyalty I have to people I care about and questioning where and when and by whom I will ever get that in return.

Additionally, it kills me right now that, despite my hurt, I still put the well-being of these people above my own. I find myself thinking that I shouldn't confront those that I've yet to confront because I don't want them to get upset with me. Or, in the cases of those I have confronted, I'm more worried about their feelings than my own.

I know that I need to grow a set, believe you me. But, on what planet will I actually value myself the way I say I do and let them worry about losing me instead of me worrying about losing them when they've wronged me? When will they all grow up and act like the adults that they are?

I'm determined to force myself to actually put Melissa first and deal with this bullshit and confront the issues. Instead of just letting it gloss over and hoping it doesn't happen again (because as long as I avoid it, it will happen again), I have to stand up for myself.