A Crack

I'm chronologically challenged presently. So tired. So very, very tired.

There simply isn't enough time to get it all done. I've been trying to get ahead in my schoolwork as this Saturday is THE Saturday and I have to take my MTTC.

Friday, two of my school friends and I are headed to Flint, where the test is being held, to study all day/night, go forth and test.

I am so worried about these tests. Not in a "test anxiety" sense, but in a "my self-esteem will seriously deteriorate if I don't pass" sense. Test anxiety has never been an issue for me, I'm good at taking tests.

Strangely, my worst case scenario involves actually passing after walking out of there thinking to myself that I only definitively knew the answers to 15 questions. If I pass under those circumstances, it does not mean that I possess the minimum knowledge required to teach that subject area or that I'm "highly qualified" under NCLB. It only means I can take a test. That's sort-of not good enough for me.

I'm on the verge of tears even considering that scenario. Seriously, I'm that tired.

I'm not worried about the English test. It's that blasted history test that's giving me trouble. I feel like a complete idiot.

I will feel even worse if I don't pass when I look at some people who are teachers right now that can barely figure out where to put apostrophes knowing that they passed.

And knowing I've put so much work into preparing for this thing. I'm confident that I've put more work into it than any of my classmates.

But they sort of have me on that whole "I actually paid attention in high school" thing.

I can't wait for this week to be over. Then, I'm gonna need a spa vacation. Just one day, though, 'cause I'll get bored.

Wah.