How did I get to be this way?

Grau Geist posted a blog about reading The Audacity of Hope and trying to understand our President a bit better and what made him liberal.  GG then discussed how he was inluenced to have more consevative views.
 
I thought it was a good topic and wanted to hear a brief bit about how all of you (except CJ) were influenced politically as you grew up (assuming you are, of course, grown up).
 
Here you go.  How I became a

 
As many of you know, my ancestry can be summed up in two words:  white trash.  Oddly, having been raised (excepting my mother) around alcoholics, addicts, racists, and wife beaters, I was unaffected and gave my mother very little trouble.  Bad grades were about the only thing that I ever was grounded for.  While this gave me little tolerance for people who made bad choices or women who allowed themselves to be mistreated by men (opposed to empathy), I became very uncomfortable with people who make racist remarks and hated that particular element of my family.  Even my mother, whom I love and admire a great deal, would tell you (if she felt comfortable with you, anyway) that she did/does not like the idea of a black president.  I simply can not understand that mentality.
 
I used to go to church with my aunt and uncle as a child.  The idea of a god never felt right to me and I stopped going around the seventh grade, declaring myself atheist at the age of thirteen.  While I completely respect the need people have to believe in something and somewhat envy those who have the capacity for faith, I am constitutionally unable to believe in god.
 
I was raised by two moms.  I noticed around high school, when Clinton was president, that they seemed to lean left (gay Republican is an oxymoron, I think) and was supremely disappointed a few years ago to learn that my biological mother had never voted. 
 
In all, social issues are what make me a jack ass.  I am proud of the fact that, in spite of having been raised by two women for eighteen years of my life, I had a better family life than many of my peers. 
 
I hate seeing images of people in poor countries dying of AIDS and starvation and hear my countrymen make comments like "let's take care of our own first" as if there is ANY basis for comparison.
 
I don't like living in a society where the majority of people think that, in order to have true morality, we have to have religion.
 
I believe very strongly in the public school system and, while it needs serious change, would never support anyone who tried to defeat it.
 
Etc.
 
However, having been raised in the family I was raised in, I have seen how possible it is to come from nothing and make something of yourself.  My mother is that person who could've been practically dead right now from a life of various abuse.  She was the only of her many siblings to graduate high school and go to college.  She makes a solid wage and is an example of the Dream.  For this, I can't help but see more good in Capitalism than many others like me, though I see its flaws as well.  The economy is about the only thing I lean more right on.  The stimulus makes me very uncomfortable and I sit back and wait, crossing my fingers.
 
That's all I have to say about that.
 
Oh.  I'm left handed, too.
 
Hugs.

Unemployment Chronicles, Vol. 3 (hot tramp, I love you so)

I've determined that spending too much time with other unemployed people (Sarajane) is detrimental to my economic health.  Too much coffee at B&N, lunch dates, etc.  Things I wouldn't be doing if I had a job.  It's funny how one spends more money in lieu of a job than otherwise. 
 
But, I love her!  And I have so much time on my hands!  Luckily, I have a couple of classes but a couple of classes still leaves lots of time leftover.  I look forward to every little thing I have planned. 
 
Anyhow, here are a few (or more) random things since last time that serve as highlights of my mundane existence.  It may have to be the last such blog.  I need to write more "important" things to feel, you know, important.
 
1)  Friday, after meeting the ex in Lansing for his weekend with the kids, Sarajane and I headed to Big Rapids for a weekend away with Dawn.  We drank with college kids, one of which had to stop herself from asking us how old we were.  The nerve!  We planned to defeat her.  Unsure of what, exactly, we meant by "defeat," said defeat never took place.  Nonetheless, there was some singing and fun.

 
2)  Last Wednesday, Scott took me to a Red Wings game.  Once upon a time, Melissa (my sister HATES it when people refer to themselves in third person) enjoyed hockey a great deal.  But it had been years since I'd been to a game, so it was a treat.  On the way there, a song was on the radio that I've heard quite a bit but never payed much attention to.  Scott pointed out the guest vocal portion of the song (like that made any sense; yet, I have no idea how to reword it) and I instantly recognized Gord Downey.  Of the Tragically Hip!  Now, I LOVE that song, of course.  July 23.  That's my next trip to the other part of North America to see TTH. 

 
3)  On the way to Big Rapids, some ucky man with gray sweatpants tucked into his winter boots was conversing with the cashier about how he was going to bring his mega-millions ticket back at 11 p.m. to watch the numbers come up.  Since the pot is at something like 300 million, I'm guessing he didn't win and won't be purchasing more appropriate public attire anytime soon.  In any case, I made the mistake of glancing at his *makes localized circular motion with right hand* bathing suit area and instantly looked, wide eyed, at Sarajane, letting loose a "Gross!"  She agreed.  Walking out, I discovered that she did not see what I saw and was merely disgusted by his sweatpants tucked into his boots.  What did I see?

 
4)  I've been eyeing Kindle suspiciously of late.  *looks over shoulder*  I love to see people curled up with a book.  It's a beautiful sight when one blocks out the world for a book.  But, since Kindle stormed into my life, I've been thinking, rather guiltily, of how much more user friendly it is than a book.  How much easier to hold.  How much easier to lounge about with.  How much easier to bookmark and turn a page.  I'm going to hell for saying these things, I know it.  *breaks down and cries*  I feel so dirty, I might as well be reading this crap:

 
5)  To sum up, since being unemployed, I have accomplished nothing, feel like a big waste of space, and have nothing to show for it but some photos that show me trying to molest the Asian.

 
 

Unemployment Chronicles, Vol. 2 (a photo AND video blog starring KINDLE)

Here's how this is going to work.
1) I'm going to post some silly photos I took of my Kindle.
2) I'm going to post a substandard video I shot with my substandard digital camera while playing around with my Kindle.
3) I'm going to talk about the Kindle for those of you who actually want to know about it!

Let's begin.

Once Kindle is turned on, it can be turned "off" into a power saving mode or off completely. If turned "off" into power saving mode, a photo is displayed (a different one each time Kindle is turned "off"). 85% of the photos are of famous dead authors. I was tickled pink when Oscar Wilde came up. Ah! The witty genius who penned my MySpace headline:



My nephew was just plain frightened by Kindle's awesomeness:



He also found it to be tasty:



Kindle taking a nap after a long day:



Kindle playing on the kitty condo:



Clearly, Kindle does more than just act as an amazing storage and display device for reading material.

I made a video.

Not that kind of video! Get your minds out of the gutter! In the following video, I appear briefly (it mostly features my sister). It's a good thing, too. If it were longer, the complex I have given myself would be worse. You see, I wasn't even "acting" which leads me to wonder if I always make those kind of facial expressions when I talk. Sigh.



Check out this video: Kindle Silliness




About Kindle:

-It is, in fact, exactly like looking at a page in a book and not at all like looking at a computer screen. For this reason, it is not back lit and, like a regular book, requires a book light or other lighting to see the screen.
-Because I ordered at Christmastime, when Amazon (unbeknownst to the public) was changing over to Kindle 2, I did get a Kindle 2. It is thinner than it's predecessor, has a longer battery life (can read for 2 weeks without charging), more storage (up to 1,000 books, magazines, etc.), and reads out loud to you in your choice of a male or female voice.
-It comes loaded with an Oxford American Dictionary. While reading, you can cursor to any word on the page and its definition pops up at the bottom of the page. Or you can access it from the table of contents and use it like a regular dictionary.
-It uses the same wireless network or whatever as a cell phone so you can download from anywhere without ever connecting to a computer. You pay to download the book (less than purchasing an actual book) or subscription to magazines, newspapers, or blogs, but not for the wireless service. Included is unlimited use of Wikipedia from the Kindle. If you access the internet, you will likely be charged, but Amazon is rather vague as to what those charges are. It is quiet. As a mouse. It literally doesn't make a sound, even if you've been playing with it for hours.
-It's fast. Pages turn and load quickly. Books (even the Holy Bible) download in seconds (they say under a minute, it's much faster).
-It is so much more user friendly than I expected.
-I am in love.


It will not replace real books for me. I will use Kindle to purchase more contemporary works that are recommended to me or that I read about and think I might like and continue to purchase my canonical readings as books since they make my bookshelves look handsome. But I can keep Kindle in my purse and always have something to read. Always.

Today, I downloaded a subscription to The New Yorker. I couldn't decide on my first book, but my sister decided for me. She stumbled into a menu stocked full of free downloads and downloaded The Holy Bible. To my Kindle.

In the meantime, I've downloaded sample chapters (free) of the following books to get me started. The fourth is on recommendation from CJ.
1) The Accidental Tourist: A Novel by Anne Tyler
2) Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner
3) The Member of the Wedding by Carson McCullers
4) Oblivion by David Foster Wallace

Okay, I shall now return to heaven where Kindle is worth every penny I (and my loving family in the form of gift certificates) spent on it.

Unemployment Chronicles: Vol 1

As I twiddle my thumbs waiting for my substitute teacher certification to be complete (all the while kicking myself for not getting it done a looooong time ago), I am doing my best to keep my days full so as not to get depressed sitting at home all day.

For the most part it hasn't been so bad.  My sister and SJ keep me entertained Monday through Thursday while the kids are in school.  My children and the new boyfriend fill the weekends.  I've had little things here and there, the ever constant Vintage night on Thursdays (hallelujah!), coffee dates, Valentine's parties at the kids' school, etc. that keep me sane.  Two days ago, there was a day trip to IKEA.  Before I go there:

(Why on Earth did I spend that much money on lunch when I'm unemployed?!?!  Good god, what is wrong with me?)

My sister announced last week that she wanted to take a drive to IKEA.  We have one IKEA in MI and it's an hour and a half away.  She wanted to get kitchen supplies, like measuring cups.  When grilled about why, in spite of IKEA's low prices, she would waste that much gas for measuring cups, she aptly pointed out that I had nothing better to do.  So we went.

Sarajane and my mom didn't have anything better to do, either.  So they went.
SJ and I decided sushi was in order and plotted that into our day.
 
My mom and sister wanted nothing to do with the sushi, so it was all ours!  Mwahahaha!  The sushi:

 

In spite of my Asian's insistence upon only ordering nigiri, I always order a roll anyway.  The Alaska roll:

 

Halfway there:

 

All the way there (empty bottle of sake, or "cups of cum" as my sister called them with a wary eye):

 

My sister was a trooper.  Not only did she eat her shrimp and vegetable tempura (not ALL of it), she tried the roll:

 

...and ate some of my mom's food so my mom wouldn't look like an American whiny baby!

 

Mommy no like Japanese food:

 

After stuffing ourselves, we were off to IKEA.  If you've never been, it's an awesome shopping experience, if you're into that sort of thing, which I'm not.

Upon arriving, my mom went right to the cafeteria for some down home American food, chicken strips and macaroni and cheese:

 

The main floor of IKEA is the actual item selection area.  The second floor is the showroom.  Kitchens, bedrooms, living rooms, etc.  SJ and I had fun in the children's area:



 

My mom had fun cooking in an IKEA kitchen:

 
SJ and I had more fun. 

Scissoring on an IKEA bed:


Getting a massage:

 

My sister had fun, too.  Ultimately, I do believe that she made enough purchases to justify the gas money.

I'm still left short justifying my lunch bill.

P.S.  Kindle will be at my door in 6 days!!!  Just in time for "Unemployment Chronicles:  Vol. Two (a photoblog starring Kindle)

There's a Fine Line Between Irony and, Well, Irony.

A couple of weeks ago, I promised CJ a blog about irony.  It has occurred to me that irony is what stops me from reaching my full intellectual potential. 
For, in the beauteous world of literary terms, irony is like the creepy uncle who's missing a thumb.  You just don't know what he wants and, unfortunately, sometimes you don't even realize he's there until you look over your shoulder and see him leering at you.

At least, that's how it is for me. 

I'm certain that, if I could only detect irony, I would go from being smart and awesome to being more smart and awesomer.  Certain.

Thankfully, I know that there are some people who employ irony regularly, like CJ, and I expect it.  This way, I can snap out of it when I begin blushing at his superficial compliments.  I know he only does it to amuse himself.  It's not that I don't have high self-esteem (let's face it, I do), it's that I'm fully aware that C knows that, in spite of my views on superficial compliments (they aren't as flattering as more abstract compliments; still, in all their emptiness, we derive so much worth from them), I'm just as guilty as the next awesome person of letting them boost me up.

Anyhoot.  Irony. 

It's what helps me make sense of some of the things CJ writes about while simultaneously making me wonder if that means everything he says is the opposite of what he means while simultaneously getting thoroughly irritated and confused. 

If I'm not looking very specifically for it, I wouldn't know anything, aside from the obvious-type crap that Alanis Morisette sings, about if irony bit me in the ass.

This is problematic because I'm missing out on some good intellectual fun.
In its textbook form this is irony:  the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning

Seems simple.  It's kind of like sarcasm.  But when writers are really good at irony, it can suck to be a reader not of supreme intelligence.  What I wouldn't give to be of supreme intelligence so I could chuckle more!

Essentially, I've determined that irony is used to classify people by their levels of intelligence.  It's like a grammar quiz.  It starts out easy with questions about "to" and "too" and graduates slowly to the correct usage of "hanged" and "hung," etc. 

So you "get" the Alanis song?  Good, good.  Do you fake-laugh and occasionally real-laugh when watching The Daily Show?  Super!  Do you think The Importance of Being Earnest is so genius that you've stolen a line from it for your MySpace headline?  Ha!  We're on the right track!  Okay, but when someone says, "If we prostituted our daughters out like they do in *insert name of foreign country where there's a dominant sex trade*, *insert social evil of the day* would be cured," do you know what they really mean?  No, no I do not.  

See?  That wasn't even a good example because I can't get to that next level.  Thus, I'm missing out on stuff!  Maybe even good stuff! 

Irony assumes that the audience has some minimum level of understanding about the general subject matter.  If the audience does not, they won't see the irony.

And to you, my darling friend from California, land of the dysfunctional Stepfords, if I don't comment on your blog, it's not because I didn't read it.

It's because I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.  *inserts dollar into cuss jar*